As a photographer, my job has always been to capture other people’s work and part of the reasons why I want to paint, was because I wanted to create something. I wanted to create my own work, and not just spend all my life capturing other people’s work. But what I realized along the way, was that in the end, we as human beings, we will always be capturing the Other Person’s work. And that’s why we have an urge to create something. To create something new. This urge and this motivation come from exactly that. The fact that we were created in the image of God the Creator. Creativity is in our blood. This is not just a hobby, this is not just a job for certain creative types. Being creative is a calling we all have as an image of the Creator. We were created and we were created as creative beings.
Fear of Failing in Adventure Journey and My Journey of Conquring It
I’ve been painting for over a year now. It feels awesome to stick with one thing for more than a year. Working on something on regular basis teaches me a lot of things. It could be art, it could be friendship, it could be work project or anything really. Sticking with something requires me so much energy, focus, time and determination. It requires me to be vulnerable, to be weak at times. And in the end, it’s all worth it. Because I know that if I keep moving forward in whatever I do, I know I will get better at what I do. Not just with painting or work but with life.
One of many reasons why I started painting last year is because I always wanted to paint since I was very little. Another reason is that I had two paints on hand for a video I was working on. Blue and yellow. But there was one more important thing, I wanted to learn to fail, I wanted to learn to fail without fear. Over time, being a media creator in this digital age got me so used to using “undo” function. If I wasn’t satisfied with the shot I got, I almost always had an option of getting another shot or edit the shot in post. Don’t get me wrong, I think “undo” function is amazing. But when I got so used to having it around, I realized that it became a crutch. I realized that I stopped taking risks at one point in my career. And it was affecting the way I live my life. Working in a creative industry, constantly haunted by budget and schedule made it worse. I was so scared to fail. Knowing how to do the best job in what I've got, schedule, budget, resources are very important in order to keep a business growing. But I got so caught up in it. I got so caught up in the mental limitation I created.
With painting, there was no “undo”. It is so different from digital art. So I placed myself in the situation where there was no going back. When I put down one stroke, that was it. There was no going back. When I screwed up, I had to fix it without using “undo”. Every stroke required me the great amount of courage.
In 15 years, I built up an incredible fear towards failing. I was stuck in a box I created myself. My mind felt like a cage, a cage I trapped my creativity in. This is exactly why I picked up painting. To feel the joy of building something from scratch again and to learn how to fail gracefully in the journey. I’m still at step zero with painting and I’m still learning the very basics of it all. But slowly but surely, I feel like I’m learning to fail without fear, to give my best shot, all of me into what comes into my life.
It sounds like a cliche but I’ll say it anyway. Life is a journey, it has its own rocky paths, some days are easier and some days are harder, but don’t let the fear of falling stop you from giving all you’ve got at it. Because life is not just a journey, life is an adventure journey. And in this adventure journey, failing is unavoidable but failing is also not a goal. We just have to keep pushing forward. We just have to keep walking, flying and climbing. We just have to keep giving our best shots without the fear of failing. We have no “undo” function in life. But we can always learn from our failures and do better moving forward. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, don’t be afraid to give, don’t be afraid to build and don’t be afraid to fail. This is freedom. This is life. This is adventure life. Give your best shot at it, always.